wed?

have not been studying..
thinking alot..
i think i really want a gf, hhaha, despo yiki..
but, no matter how desperate, i have to wait..
In His time, there is nothing happening too early or too late..
my dad had been fainting frequently lately, today, he get dizzy again, i need to pick him up from bus interchange.
it had been happening for 3 times in the past week.. really too frequent..
at least he is not hospitalised like last yr..
have been thinking, wat'l happen if he is too sick?
cannot work anymore?
why i cant study?
why 'm I always hiding from problems?
why i keep sinning?
why i try to hide from God, or rather put Him aside despite He is so important to me?
why, why, why?
i may not have all the answers to all this questions...
but i know my God still love me, always love me. The only Love that will never change.
i'm sorry my God, i'l really try to change.
i'l learn how to love U, how to love myself, how to love people, with my heart.
i do not know how to love, i'm self-centred.
when i'm weak, God, pls forgive me, pls softly pick me up with your hands.
when i'm scared, feel like running away, pls me with me, give me courage, as u walk with me..
thank you my God..

saturday

went for a run with the uncles today.. haha.. was early for once, so many time since we had ran.. i had not been running for the pass 2 months? 3? destined routr should be from upper pierce to some where near mac richie.. ran closely with uncle, quite rough terrain, muddy, full of uneven ground, uneven stones.. remind me of last time cross country competition... hahah.. great run.. but because i was focusing too much on the ground, i did not look around to remember the route.. i ran like a quater of the route, then too tired, walk.. then run, walk, run walk(mostly walk..) then slowly, my right knee pain, then left knee, then left foot blister, then right foot. the blister @ right foot is quite bad, but i continue.. then worst is headache.. finally after a long while, i hit the U-turn point. suddenly as i walk back, i wasw thinking, i walk with this pain, 2000 years ago, as Jesus walk his way to the place where he was going to be cruxified. with all the lashes wound on the back, with that heavy cross on his battered back, feeling weak, noisy..

• have he thought of giving up?
• when he fell down, will he just wanna lie down there and forget it?

He continued.

every step i take, is painful, left leg, right leg, left leg.. ii was thinking, o God, where r u at this time.. pls be with me..i cant feel God, but as i look around, the sparkling glitters from the reflection of the river water, the thin layers of fog lying lightly on the green pastures, the nice greeneries of the trees, nice blue sky, i know, my God who make all this is here. as i run back, i continue to think. how many times can we reverse time and go backwards? how many things we can ever do again? not much. therefore, really need to treasure whatever we have now.no matter is the time whereby we are students, having a family, having parent, having brother and sisters, having friends.

as i run on, i lost my way..... (-_-)" then God sent a uncle to guide and run with me, then i found that i ran really off!! then took very long to get back to upper pierce.. normally, we start @ 8, end @ 9 plus? but today i came back @ 10... hai..so sorry to my uncles who are waiting for me.. din get to eat the legendary wan ton mee cos the boss is renovating the shop.. sobs.. then went to Mac with the uncles.. haha.. but was late for my music lesson.. hai..

then went home quickly wash clothes, wash the muddy shoes, bath, and go church study.. then came home and rest.. tired dao~~ organic read 2more chap, lsm still stuck at that chap.. hai.. but better than nothing.. haha.. 一日难过一日过。should not worry and continue to have faith and peace..! zzz..

\

friday..

wasted my day, but amazingly, i finished one chap of cm1121, understand something of lsm1401.
but i'm quite pissed with myself for falling again.. o god, pls help me to live out of my sin.. it is a great pain.. i have discovered something, i find something i eat can make me physically very high. coffee!! it make my heart pump faster, make me really very high, wanna do things, got the feeling like macham i'm running like that. cool..

organic chem 0%

physical chem 0%

principle for chemical process 0%

biochem 1 full chapstats 0%

主的恩典乃是一生之久

圣灵啊，求你来，

我软弱你明白

我无言，你叹息，

亲自为我代求

你鉴察我的心，

使我走在属神旨意

你医治我的灵，

使我生命再次绚丽啊，

我心不住赞美啊，我灵不住称谢

一宿虽有哭泣，早晨必欢呼

主的恩典是一生之久

啊，我心不住赞美啊，我灵不住称谢

一宿虽有哭泣，早晨必欢呼

主的恩典是一生之久

i really like this songs, especially the lyrics. it is very comforting, i feel so loved by God when i read it and sing it.

17 虽 然 无 花 果 树 不 发 旺 ， 葡 萄 树 不 结 果 ， 橄 榄 树 也 不 效 力 ， 田 地 不 出 粮 食 ， 圈 中 绝 了 羊 ， 棚 内 也 没 有 牛 ；
18 然 而 ， 我 要 因 耶 和 华 欢 欣 ， 因 救 我 的 　 神 喜 乐 。

哈 巴 谷 書 3:17-18

i love this verse, i should rejoice in my Lord no matter wat tis the outcome of my exam results, especially when He is with me as i study, guiding my days, leading my ways!

wednesday.... i wonder...

organic chem 0%
physical chem 0%
principle for chemical process 0%
biochem 1 chap
stats 0%

this is interesting..

anyway, at least i had cross the red sea! i finished exodus!!! woohoo!! starting leviticus..

jiayou to all.. addoil to myself.haha

ahhhhh

i really need God, a lot.. i need to fight temptation, w/o him,i cant do anything against it..
but,i really thank god, for he show me something, "my grace is sufficient for you" i really experience and understand it, therefore, i should not worry and gain courage from him and walk the path ahead. i was really running low with my money, it is till a pt whereby i dun have enough for the next day's meal. then i also dunno how to ask from my mom.then, my mom just out of the blue gave me another $50!! i havent even ask from God, and reveal anything to my mom, and gotten this! it is not a lot, but it is not little, just enough to last till the next allowance day.
actually, God's grace had been showering on me in many other events. like he blessed me with parents, brother and sisters, friends, being able to eat, move,sleep, got somewhere to stay, got clothes to wear. all of this are not to be taken for granted as there are many ppl w/o all this, many may not wake up the next day, may eat only one meal or none per day.
but once again, i should really reflect on how i spend money that causes me to run out of money. butbutbut, i played DOTA with wee keat on mon(despite no money, i'm a bad boy) , and i really win him, with him having no excuse to losing. he underestimate me and lost. hoho.. it was so shuang ah!! haha..-_- i was really happy and had a really good dream that night.. haha..
on sunday, during service, the speaker talked about the constant flowing of the living water.

as a lazy person, i will just state a few that is important and worth-thinking-about pointers

submit to difficulties, sufferings? curse and swear? grumble?

• with a difficult situation, sufferings, difficulties, we are more able to experience God's power and help
• he will never let us experience a difficulty so great that we cant take it
• he is with us: we are not alone. Our God is with us and guiding ,helping us as we move on.
• is a good opportunity in looking upon our GOd
• sometimes, we have neglected God for so long that he wants to raise our attention using this difficulties

P.S.:what i had heard and written down on my paper is in chinese. my translation is not very good, so if anyone dun get or understand, pls tag me..

need to add lots of oil, may God grant me peace and enjoy this time with him ;-)

thursday....

last night sleep at 3am, then long day..
but but but, really thank God deep deep, today during lecture, i din fall asleep much and paid attention and understand in class!! woo~~ thank you God!!
but, now i hon tou ni tired.. haha.. nvm, i go jiayou w my assignment and lab report le!! hee

wednesday..

today is my free day, but i wasted my day.. i should be doing work, but i refused to do work..